When a highly sensitive man feels forgotten... (INFJ / INFP)

I wonder if sometimes what hurts isn't actually feeling rejected, but feeling forgotten. Because I feel like being rejected means someone has seen you first. And there can be something especially painful about feeling like no one is really seeing you at all.

I wonder how many highly sensitive men know this feeling of becoming increasingly absent from the world — especially those who identify as HSP, INFJ, or INFP.

When friends stop calling. When work begins to feel meaningless because you're not really showing up as yourself. When you wonder whether anyone would even notice if you disappeared.

Perhaps this is part of why being seen and heard can matter so much. Because I don't think belonging is necessarily about fitting into the world. Maybe it's having a few people who know that you exist. People who listen, notice when you haven't shown up, and remember you.

Somewhere to be known.

✨ What does it feel like when someone truly remembers you?

If words feel like too much today, a simple 🕯️ is enough to let me know you were here.

🍂 A Quiet Continuation
If you've been wondering whether belonging might be less about fitting into the world, and more about being able to be yourself with other people, there’s a familiar thread here: When a highly sensitive man feels like he doesn't belong... (https://youtu.be/b0EZSA89iVE)

XOXO,
Kate Harmony

🎉Join me for the first Lightbearer's Library Live on Sunday, August 23, 3:30–4:30pm EDT

💌 P.S. If you would like a place to share your story and sit with other highly sensitive men, I would love to welcome you to The Library Men's Group. It's a gentle space to listen, share, or simply be present with others who understand. 

You can learn more here: 🌿 https://ko-fi.com/lightbearerslibrary/commissions

💌 P.P.S. If these journal entries have become a meaningful companion on your journey, you're warmly invited to support the work of keeping this sanctuary growing. Thank you ❤

You can contribute here: https://LightbearersLibrary.org

Or if you prefer, through Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/lightbearerslibrary

📖 Journal Notes
0:00 When being forgotten hurts more than rejection
0:47 When the world keeps moving without you
2:05 When what you give goes unnoticed
4:15 Maybe belonging is simply being seen
4:50 Your worth doesn't disappear when you're unseen
5:51 What it means to be remembered
7:56 Finding people who can really see you
10:33 We need one another to be whole
11:13 What happens when men witness one another
12:46 The relief of being remembered over time
13:55 Finding light when you're in a dark space
14:46 A little thank you for being here

#highlysensitivemen #HSP #INFJ #INFP #forgottenmen #beingseen #beingheard #belonging #connection #sensitivemen #lightbearerslibrary

🌿 About 🌿

Welcome to Lightbearer’s Library — a quiet place for highly sensitive men who feel deeply, notice deeply, and wonder why it has sometimes felt difficult to simply be themselves.

The Library exists to help men reconnect with the parts of themselves they may have had to set aside. Their curiosity, creativity, intuition, sensitivity, and the qualities that make them who they are.

Through reflective video journal entries, I explore sensitivity, masking, childhood experiences, belonging, and what it means to come home to yourself.

I share from my own life as an INFP HSP, and from what I’ve learned through my 11 years with my INFJ HSP husband and this community.

If you’ve ever felt unseen, misunderstood, or like you had to make yourself smaller to fit into the world, you’re welcome here.

Stay for a while.
Kate Harmony 🌺 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello, dear soul. I wonder if instead of feeling rejected by the world, you feel forgotten by the world. I feel like in order to be rejected, there's this sense of needing to be seen for who we are and then rejected for who we are. And I feel like often it's it starts with actually a feeling of not being seen at all, not being, you know, not being needed for who we are, what we bring in our essential selves, our true selves, what we bring to others in the world. And wondering if anybody would even notice if we disappeared. And I feel like that's a really hard feeling to be aware of day in and day out. Because it feels like the world keeps is moving, moves on without us, keeps running and revolving. And you know, I I I feel this, um, but I feel like increasingly kind of absent from from the world. And I think a a large part of this happened for me when I went off social media maybe 10, 11 years ago, I don't know, something like that. And it's like friends kind of just disappeared because it wasn't on social media. But I think if that can happen even being on social media, it's because it's really not about connection if we are true, if we think about it. And and perhaps opportunities disappear because we're not we're not fully seen, and relationships end because we're just yeah, we just are not remembered and and people stop calling, and then work feels meaningless, right? Because it's just like we're not showing up and giving our from our our true selves or the who we'd like to show up as in the world or be seen for, and are and then when we do contribute in a way that is meaningful to us, perhaps it goes unnoticed or unwanted or unvalued. And we can kind of then just stop expecting anyone to come looking for us. And we can feel like, well, what's the point in participating in a world that doesn't really have room for me, have room for for us? And I feel like this not being seen is the most the most painful part. And for me, it feels like with my my family just kind of not really seeing me for who I am or not really listening. I think that's part of it is when we have when we don't have anyone who has good listening skills in our life, who can who can listen and see us, then it can be a relief when when like when those people maybe sort of drop out of our life. But it can also feel like there's then there's no one. So we'll kind of have people in our life that that don't really listen to us and don't really see us. Um, and that can be one one kind of scenario and feeling that we can have the other where it's it's like we don't have anyone in our lives that sees us or hears us, like or we let go of everyone and kind of just be alone. And I've been in both places and both kind of suck, you know. And I don't I don't think we will ever fill in fit into the world because I don't really agree with most of what the world what's happening in the world. So when I talk about belonging on this channel, it's not about belonging in the world or belonging to society or the the the sort of masses. What I'm talking about is maybe belonging to feeling seen, feeling seen and feeling heard, having people in our lives that really listen to us. And so I think that being forgotten by others and the world um is is not the same thing as not having value and worth as a human soul. That we have so much more value, you have so much more value than than all of these things that that may or may, you know, that even if there's no one who would notice if we disappear, even if no one in our life can see us, it doesn't mean that we're not valuable and worthy and that our life has some kind of value and and meaning to it. That's what I believe. I believe that we are all unique individual human souls. So the opposite of being forgotten is being remembered. And to have someone who knows that we exist, that that someone who asks us how we're doing and really listens and cares and wants to know. Um someone who notices when we haven't shown up to things that we say say we show up to, or or just haven't shown up in their lives for a while. They they check in, they call. And so so the idea of finding people who will remember us, maybe that's what belonging is. That we need, we need, we need I I believe that we need other human souls who see us and we see them to really be a whole a whole soul, really be a whole person that that and I'm not talking about about like a soulmate or a relationship of having having a significant other in our lives. I'm just talking about people who who maybe know what it's like to be to to show up the way that we do in in the world in some way. You know, there's lots of different things that we we share with other people in common, even if the experience maybe isn't exactly the same. It's there's a there's a there's a feeling of like I can I can see what that must have been like, or I can feel how painful that was. And so we need somewhere to somewhere or someone to be known and to find people who can actually see us. But for who for who we are, as opposed to people who need who need us in some way, who need something from us, where there's this this this like trying to pull something from us, and it's like that's exhausting. But it's what it is that just a place to be and to be, it's almost like to be mirrored. I've always thought about that in my own life with with friends in the past where I did have good friends, good girlfriends, where I was I could we we could see one another, or like they'd reflect something back to me that I was happening in my life, and so I could see it from a new angle or a different angle. And you know, I'd just simply by speaking about my life, they'd maybe have an aha moment of about what was happening for them, and there's this mutual, mutual sharing, mutual um love and caring for one another. And and so I believe that there are other men like you that are sitting in a similar place, that perhaps sitting with them, being with them, showing up with them over time, it it starts to feel a bit calmer inside, a bit more because I don't know how it feels to you, but when I feel when I'm when I'm in that when I'm in that place of feeling forgotten and like no one will notice if I'm gone, I feel panicky. I feel I don't know if that's maybe the right the right way. I I feel like a bit of like feeling like I'm drowning in I'll have to explore that more. I'm not entirely, you know, that there's maybe more to that, so I'll leave that there, but I think we're we're communal creatures, and we I think we need one another to be whole. Not that that we we can't be a whole individual on our own. Like I'm not there's there's separate things here. I'm not saying like, you know, codependency or that we need people, like that neediness. I'm I'm saying, yes, we need to do our own work and we need to, you know, work through a lot of stuff on our own. And I think that's where, you know, lots of you have said you're in therapy, and I think that can be really, really helpful on our own personal internal journey. But I think we need to share, share our journeys with each other, that that in that sharing of a journey, we feel like life has more meaning, that that there's a calmness I feel. And so where where I've felt this most recently is in the the Light Bears Library men's groups that I've been hosting. I've hosted over into the tens now, 10, 11 groups, and and each one gets richer because I get better at at facilitating and holding space and and creating that space for for witnessing of one another, for expressing a deeper part of ourselves, for sharing parts of our journey that we wouldn't share with anyone else, but sharing it with men who would understand, who who are deep feelers, deep thinkers, you know, who are more sensitive physically, you know, being an HSP, or that there's a a shared sense of of having something in common and that we can share things that are vulnerable and start to see one another. And I think this is where you know the the one-off men's groups leads into the men's sanctuary of of being with the same group of men over a series of weeks. Because then there is that when someone doesn't show up, it's like, oh, they need to, you know, check in with them and see how they're doing, or you know, there's a being remembered each time over time. So there's there is no forgetting anymore. And I feel like that's what we lack in our society a lot is that continuity of being known, of having spaces where our our whole selves can show up, are more of us than we can normally share with other people. So if that sounds like something that might be helpful in this time, and I know I know that there's so many reasons not to. You know, most of us are probably introverts, and you know, we but I think I think in order to find the light again, I know many of you are in dark spaces, and I I'm in that as well, and my husband is in that dark space, and some days it's darker than others, and I'm not gonna go there. Today's a pretty dark day for my husband, and thus in some ways for me. But I know there's lots of reasons not to show up to something where you don't know anyone, and but it's there's beautiful, beautiful moments, and um come try it is my is my thought. So that um and the last thing I will say is that um I'm coming up on 5,000 subscribers, so thank you to each and every one of you who subscribes, who he is here on a weekly basis, watching all of my videos, commenting, just just just being there and sharing your stories and supporting me and cheering me on. And um it's it's been it's been really, really wonderful. So to celebrate, I want to do um something that I feel really nervous about, but kind of excited about at the same time, um, because it's something new. And being an INFP, like having something new is very exciting for for my intuitive side. So um I'm gonna host a live this coming Sunday. So the 23rd, I think. Uh I didn't write it down. I think it's the I don't know. I think Saturday is the 22nd and then it's the 23rd, yeah. So live at oh dear, I didn't write down the time either. Sorry. Um, I'll put the time in in the in the pinned comment in the description. So um, yeah, next Sunday. I would love for you to come and uh it'll be like just a hangout and a QA. So if you'd like to, you know, ask me a question about anything, then that would be that would be cool. So I hope to see you there. That would be that would be fun. Um so that's all. Uh I wish you so many blessings today. Signing off for now, XOXO Kate.