When a highly sensitive man learns to protect himself... (INFJ / INFP)

I wonder if you've spent so much of your life protecting the sensitive part of yourself that, over time, the protection starts to feel like who you are.

For some highly sensitive men (HSPs), INFJs and INFPs, that armor might look like becoming strong, independent, successful, useful, quiet, funny, agreeable, or simply very good at reading the room. There were probably reasons you learned these ways of being. As sensitive children, many of us needed some way to feel safe when being fully ourselves didn't feel safe.

But I wonder if the part of you that needed that protection is still in there.

The curious part. The playful part. The part that gets excited about something beautiful, wants to be comforted, loves deeply, or simply wants to connect with other people without having to be so careful. Sometimes our sensitivity becomes an alarm system that watches for danger outside of us... and we can slowly lose touch with what's happening inside us.

And maybe coming back to ourselves doesn't mean tearing down every wall. Maybe it begins with noticing that there is still someone behind it.

In this journal entry, I gently explore the different forms that armor can take for highly sensitive men, where that protection may have come from, and what it might feel like to begin letting ourselves be more fully human again.

✨ If this reflection resonates, I’d love to hear from you. What form of armor have you taken on as your own?

And if words feel like too much today, a simple 🕯️ is enough to let me know you were here.

🍂 A Quiet Continuation If you've spent so long being protected by your armor that you've forgotten what you feel like underneath it, you may find a natural continuation in: When a highly sensitive man doesn't recognize himself... (https://youtu.be/UCYxognO89g)

XOXO,
Kate Harmony

💌 P.S. If you would like a place to share your story and sit with other highly sensitive men, I would love to welcome you to The Library Men's Group. It's a gentle space to listen, share, or simply be present with others who understand. 

You can learn more here: 🌿 https://ko-fi.com/lightbearerslibrary/commissions

💌 P.P.S. If these journal entries have become a meaningful companion on your journey, you’re warmly invited to support the work of keeping this sanctuary growing. Thank you ❤

You can contribute here: https://LightbearersLibrary.org
Or if you prefer, through Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/lightbearerslibrary

📖 Journal Notes
0:00 When protection starts to feel like you
2:10 The parts of yourself you learned to hide
3:28 When being yourself doesn't feel safe
6:03 When the world asks you to be practical
7:19 When sensitivity becomes an alarm system
8:54 What happens when you stop checking in with yourself
10:47 Maybe the armor doesn't have to come off
13:33 When safety feels strange
15:54 A place where you don't have to be so guarded

#highlysensitivemen #HSP #INFJ #INFP #emotionalarmor #authenticity #selfawareness #innerchild #selfdiscovery #lightbearerslibrary #journaling

🌿 About 🌿

Welcome to Lightbearer’s Library — a quiet place for highly sensitive men who feel deeply, notice deeply, and wonder why it has sometimes felt difficult to simply be themselves.

The Library exists to help men reconnect with the parts of themselves they may have had to set aside. Their curiosity, creativity, intuition, sensitivity, and the qualities that make them who they are.

Through reflective video journal entries, I explore sensitivity, masking, childhood experiences, belonging, and what it means to come home to yourself.

I share from my own life as an INFP HSP, and from what I’ve learned through my 11 years with my INFJ HSP husband and this community.

If you’ve ever felt unseen, misunderstood, or like you had to make yourself smaller to fit into the world, you’re welcome here.

Stay for a while.
Kate Harmony 🌺 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, dear soul. I wonder if you've spent so much of your life protecting that sensitive inner part of yourself, that over time that protection starts to feel like who you are. And over time, you can maybe start to forget that that sensitive part of you lives in there. Because I think the thing is, is that sometimes this protection takes on very different forms for different men. And it's it's there because it was needed. It's there because, as highly sensitive boys, there was often times when you needed that protection. So that protection can look like becoming strong physically or you know, mentally hardening yourself, but it could also look like becoming quiet or maybe really funny or being useful, being independent and successful, being invisible, being agreeable, learning how to read the room, and so you're looking for trouble. And all of those ways of being are all ways of protecting, of being safe inside, having that safety um that you didn't have maybe as a highly sensitive boy, whether it was from family or in school. We've talked a lot about that on the channel. And I think that that armor, that protection is useful perhaps to you in a lot of ways in your daily life now. But I wonder if there's a part of you that is longing to be free, to be itself, or that there's a part of you that is bigger than that, that armor, bigger than all of that. And I I think that we learned to hide the parts of ourselves that are that are the most sensitive. The you know, when we think about how we were as kids, and maybe maybe you don't even have memories of being that, but it's like we we learn to hide our our excitement and enthusiasm, sometimes really positive things that we see as positive, right? And our and our curiosity, our vulnerability to things, our unusual interests. Maybe a lot of you had unusual interests. And even the desire to be comforted. Like I know in my household, in my family, it was, you know, if I started crying about something, it would really frustrate my dad, and that would lead to anger and outbursts, probably because he didn't know how to deal with that. But, you know, it's so the emotional part of me, like I would hide that I was crying, I would go to my room and try and be quiet, you know. So those parts of ourselves that we we hid to protect and not be hurt. And then it's like so when a highly sensitive boy learns that it's not safe to be authentic, to be himself, to just be, you know, whether it's at home or in school, then we have to build those walls of protection of some kind or sort, you know, to become hyper-vigilant in some ways or extremely independent or you know, avoid and even become physically intimidating, right? I've I've read a lot of comments of different ways of dealing with whether it's being bullied or all all the things that we've talked about, and and so each each person builds up a way of protecting, and it's like, but that that our little sensitive people that are inside, they're they're still in there, right? Like the little sensitive boy is still inside of you, and the little sensitive girl is still inside of me, and um, I'm just having a moment of connecting with her in there, and she's just like, I am still in there, you know. I the part of me that that jumps up and down when something wonderful happens in my life, you know, the part of me that is so finds so much beauty in the colors in the clouds at sunset, the part of me that loves listening to birds and the wind rustling the leaves, the part of me that that loves people, that really does love people, and that misses connecting with people on a real human level without all of the BS that uh you know we have in this world now, or just adults have, you know, like the the politics and the like all the stuff. It's like can we just laugh with one another? Can we be silly? Can we can we just hold hands with one another, or whatever it is that that is just human. I miss being human in those ways. And we we build up these walls and we shove all that down, maybe feels like for me, and we say, no, I've gotta be, you know, practical and all the things. And I think if if we're talking personality types, it's like that's why the the NF in Myers Briggs, the the intuitive feelers, are most susceptible to this because we we want to to we want that is who we are on a deep level and who we continue to be in adults, but it's just that's not how the world is built. It's very like, you know, you've got to have a job, and like you, you know, I don't have to say all that for you, but we have these these artistic, you know, playful, intelligent, curious little people inside. And so I think we can feel like the armor we've built up is who we are when inside, if we're honest, we're not, you know, we're we're still those sensitive people. So and I think our sensitivity over time is used when we're kids, or you know, at some point our our sensitivity then gets um conditioned by circumstances or harnessed by circumstances to be used to protect us. So we are monitoring outside of us. We're we're kind of like, is everyone else okay? Like, you know, is my dad like out of listening shot? Like, is he out of listening so I can cry, or maybe he's not home, or you know, did I did I do something wrong? And how can I maneuver around that? Or should I say or do something to make the situation better? Or can I relax? And so all of our sensitivity is kind of heightened to create an alarm system to to protect us, and so it becomes the sensitivity becomes something that is um it's not used in a negative way, it's just it's uh it's used as protection as opposed to that that that way of being in the world that is that is curious and and sensitive to beauty around us and and all the things that that being highly sensitive can be such a joy to be. But it gets used in a way to to put up that armor to to protect us. And I think that over time we stop we stop realizing that we are not we're not checking in with ourselves. We're so busy with the outside world that it's like we don't turn inwards enough to say, hey, how how am I doing? You know, like do I need to have a cry? Do I you know like um what do what do I need? And I think that's that's we we lose that that balance and we lose touch with with that those that sense of wonder and beauty that we used to have maybe as children, and maybe you don't remember being that way, it would happen so young. But I feel like that's how we become human again, that's how we become more human, maybe, is to find that that small person in there that's still so full of aliveness that wants to live, that wants to participate with other humans and but we've just kind of because of the pr needing to protect ourselves and and stay safe in in lots of ways, we've lost the maybe not the ability so much as the the will. I mean, there's all sorts of things there. Um and my nose is running now. I have a little cry. Um but that's why I I think I keep coming back to one of the solutions for for this coming, this returning, this coming home to ourselves, this this like we don't necessarily need to take off the armor or tear down the wall or whatever it is for you. We all have different metaphors for what that might be, you know, shells, invisibility cloaks. I've read lots of different ones. But we just so my solution being the men's groups for highly sensitive men. So being with other highly sensitive men, and whether it's the library men's group or other places where highly sensitive men are, it's like it's a starting point. It's like, okay, these men understand what it's like to have a highly sensitive boy inside there, and knowing that we all have created some form of protection to get through growing up and being a being a sensitive man in this in this world. And that when we sit together, we could we can explore what it might be like to consciously practice letting letting the armor down, or um we were talking about this in in the men's sanctuary, like shields up, you know, in in um in Star Trek, you know, like shields up, it's like maybe shields down. But where there's permission to feel, to express the full range of of who we are on the inside. So whether it's different thoughts or intuitions or feelings with other, you know, the range of human emotion with other men who are similar to to one another, a place to, you know, share how deeply you feel things, because that's not something that is allowed in society right now. I I don't think to feel care and and feel strongly about things, or or to express sorrow and grief and anger and excitement and care and kindness, all those things that are so important to us is kind of like sneered at and looked down on and like yeah, you know, I don't have to say much, you you know what I'm talking about. And so I think it's we have so much ability because of this needing to protect ourselves, we have so much ability to to see see danger on the outside or to either real danger or even potential danger, and sometimes maybe even danger that isn't there because of the alarm system we've built, the armor. Um and so you can be really good at, and you know, I've heard from you in the comments about seeing and and understanding, recognizing when someone, when other people are angry with you or or are rejecting you, or criticizing, or when there's tension around you, and I think, or when you're like being manipulated by someone. And I think that we can forget what it's like to recognize and acknowledge when there are people that are accepting of us and have affection for us, and that there's maybe a a feeling of real discomfort when there's calm in the in the is like, or when someone is genuinely interested in what you have to say. It's like, oh, you actually want to hear what I have to say, you know. Um and I've watched that in some of the men's groups where it's just it's there's just maybe not that maybe a really discomfort in in even talking and sharing thoughts because it's so strange to have other people be listening to to what you have to say. And so, you know, and acknowledging and and having others be kind to us, or even start to feel a sense of belonging. It's a very strange feeling when you've spent your life not feeling like you could just be at ease a little bit more and and be in a group of people who don't want anything from you, that are just there to witness one another and and be in the presence of one another. It's really been such a beautiful, a beautiful, a beautiful thing. And you know, the men's sanctuary where we're gathering with the same men over four weeks. I we've had just two groups so far, and it's been really, really wonderful to see. That's where this idea came up. We were talking about safety and and what that means and and belonging and community. It's just yeah, it's been just a really wonderful experience. So I would invite you to come to one of our library men's groups, those are the one-off weekly groups. I've got one um that is more more appropriate for the UK Europe time, so you don't have to be up in the middle of the night, and um another one that's in the evening in North America. So please uh check those out in the links below. And if if the library has been, you know, something that has been calming to you or has been helpful in in sort of looking inwards and wondering about yourself, it's like I would I would really love it if you would consider contributing to the Light Bears Library to keep the lights on, um, our our rent paid, our food, food on our table. We're um this is this is what we're pouring our hearts into. So thank you so much for being here. And um I think so in in the comments, I would love to hear from you, first of all, whatever has come up for you. I love just hearing your stories and just seeing what what parts of this resonated for you. And I'm wondering what like what parts or what form of armor have you taken on as your own, you know, if we as we've talked talked about this. Maybe it doesn't look how most people talk about armor of being hard and unavailable, and you know, there's all sorts of different ways. And so yeah, I would love to hear hear from you. And um, I look forward to the conversation in the comments. Okay. I'm wishing you so many blessings. Signing for today, XOXO Kate.